If you went to see I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, you should pretty much just stop breathing forever. You don’t deserve that air. Save it for someone who’s not a completely soulless waste of humanity. (Pajiba)

TLC has dumped Jon from Jon and Kate Plus 8. One down, and one to go. Get on it, TLC! You can still redeem yourselves! (Yeeeah!)

Ever wanted to know how much The Realitards of The Hills make? The answer will literally rot your very soul. (The Blemish)

Oh wow, Conan O’Brien took one seriously fucking nasty fall live on his show. Holy shit, that had to hurt. (Seriously? OMG!)

Carrie Prejean is Miss October in what can only be described as the least sexy calendar ever conceived. (Celebitchy)

Paris Hilton does her best “Crab-infested Rainbow” impression to go out and get coffee. (BricksandStones)

The new Antichrist poster is out, and blissfully, keeps the whole “cutting off your own clitoris with a pair of rusty scissors” bit to a minimum. (Agent Bedhead)

Scarlett Johansson apparently never thought about getting married to Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, and I never thought about eating two whole foot-long sandwiches in one sitting. (POTP)

I have no thought who Sophie Monk is but look! Nipples! Yay? (Superior Gossip)